Sometimes it's a deluge of typos, other times it's a trickle. Photo by Kate Ota 2020 While I love my editing software, ProWritingAid, nothing is perfect. Despite running six chapters through it and getting them as perfect as possible, when I had people read it, they still noticed problems. Some the editing software absolutely should have caught, but others are harder for an AI to notice. Let this be a reminder that human critique partners are better than any software ever will be. And remember to forgive yourself (or other authors) when typos make it into the final product. Nobody’s perfect—human nor robot.
And now, please chuckle at some silly typos It missed things that shouldn’t have been there: John’s said John circled the around Memeber It missed things that should have been there: They need to hire someone Financial Committee Yes, that works And it missed harder to spot problems: The word branch three times in two sentences (and yes, usually ProWritingAid points this out, so I was very surprised. Perhaps this was user error.) A scene dragged on too long. An entire paragraph of info dump that I’d already slimmed down and convinced myself was fine. Critique partners don’t let you lie to yourself. What goofy typos have you or your software missed? Anything tricky that frequently sneaks past you?
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It's officially spring time and that means Futurescapes 2021 is over. At least flowers are blooming! (Photo by Kate Ota) Last week I finished my experience with Futurescapes Writers’ Workshop 2021 and I’ve gone back through my frantically-written notes to find some universal gems to share. I’ve broken it into categories, so if you don’t care about queries, for example, you can skip that section. Most of this information I got from my group leaders and discussions in those groups. Anyone who had other leaders at Futurescapes might have gotten a totally different experience.
I didn't include anything I learned from the classes before Futurescapes. Some are classes offered by those teachers elsewhere, so it felt like proprietary info. I'm not looking to get sued. There’s a huge list of resources at the bottom. I wrote down any craft book, article, or website that was recommended to me. But be warned, I haven’t checked most of them out yet. About writing Don’t hold back with your ideas—editors want what’s fresh and new. There isn’t too far to stretch, just go for it! In your first pages, the most important thing is to not confuse your reader. The second thing is to intrigue them. Do this by grounding the scene in a physical place before going into too much action. First pages should hold enough worldbuilding to show this is a specific world (if this isn’t contemporary) but not so much worldbuilding that you need a world-bible next to you to understand what’s happening. Things should be familiar-yet-different. The phrase “heart pounded” is overused in all of writing. This advice is pretty subjective, but I hadn’t heard this before, so maybe you haven’t either. About Queries and Agents (especially Tricia Skinner) Maintain your author-agent relationship with plenty of communication. Tricia doesn’t require content warnings on queries. However, she’s not a fan of settings including slavery and concentration camps. (Especially for romance! I was shocked she even had to say that, but apparently that’s a thing.) Query must demonstrate character, conflict, and STAKES. So many people forget the stakes. Begin your query with some level of personalization for why you queried this agent. One sentence is fine. A query should be as clear and marketable as possible. In your bio, even if you’re unpublished, include anything that connects you to publishing. Things like attending workshops or writing groups count. At the bottom, below your name, should be your contact info. An author website, even if only a single page, is ideal. Tricia loves enemies in forced proximity as a trope. About synopses A synopsis should either be written in a totally neutral voice or the voice of the novel. (Personally, I think it’s much easier to go neutral.) If writing a multi-POV and struggling to write each character into the synopsis, consider introducing each new POV by mentioning where they are in proximity to the other characters (geography-wise). This cuts down on confusion, especially in a sprawling fantasy where characters may not be on the same continent or a sci-fi with multiple planets. If worldbuilding adds tension, include it. If it doesn’t, and the synopsis makes sense without it, don’t include them there. Emotional arcs should be included, and are probably more meaningful than including every plot event. Resources Bird by Bird by Ann Lamott The Author’s Checklist by Elizabeth Kracht Thrill Me by Benjamin Percy Writing the Breakout Novel by Donald Maas Manuscript Makeover by Elizabeth Lyon Story Genius by Lisa Cron On Writing by Stephen King Wonderbook: The Illustrated Guide to Creating Imaginative Fiction by Jeff VanderMeer Orson Scott Card website article on beginnings Brandon Sanderson website on his writing process How to Write 10k/Day Sooz.com for in depth process and guides Writing the Other website Mapping software websites: Wonderdraft, World Anvil, Inkarnate, Universe Sandbox The Ever Changing Book of Names (random name generator, which gives names sounding like other language origins but are not real.) YouTube channels: Just Write, Razbuten, Hello Future Me, Nerdwriter, In Praise of Shadows (horror), Behind the Curtain, What’s So Great About That?, Storytellers, Abbie Emmons, The Closer Look, Make Stuff, Jenna Moreci Have you tried any of these resources? Did this advice help you? Let's discuss in the comments! Every flower in this photo represents an instance of the word just in the first draft of my last manuscript. (Photo by Kate Ota 2019) One of the biggest psychological hurdles in joining a new critique group is figuring out how to critique another person’s writing. This can be especially difficult when critiquing memoir or personal essays and you’re discussing events that actually happened to the author. Of courses fiction is just as much a writer’s soul, so it’s still difficult. Some people join and hold back on critique, but that's not why you joined the group. How do you critique? And do it in a way that endears you to the group, rather than ostracizes you? As a member of two long-running critique groups (one I’ve met in person and one only online, so far) and several one-off groups, I have plenty of advice for how to make this work.
Identify Your Strengths Before you even look at their pages, consider what you think is your strength in writing. And don’t be humble here, you’re only thinking this to yourself. It can be big picture items, like noticing plot holes in your work (or published books you’ve read), or it can be very small, like knowing every comma rule. Your strengths can also come from other hobbies and jobs, like being able to shoot a bow an arrow (handy for fantasy and historical) or understanding anatomy (useful for crime, thriller, horror, or biopunk). Know what you’re good at, and have that be forefront in your mind as you go in to the work. Every person who critiques has a different strength, and will offer a different piece of the puzzle to the author. Do A First Pass Without Critiquing This isn’t always possible, especially in groups that live read then critique. But, if you can, don’t mark anything (unless it’s a huge, distracting issue) on your first pass. Then do a second pass. Things that may have confused you in the first read, you see may have had a purpose later in the story. Then you can mention in your critique that you know why the author wrote something, but that the way it was written was confusing for you. I recommend that because often a writer will see “this is confusing” and think to themselves, “the reader just needs to wait and see.” If you mention that you did wait and see and it still wasn’t as smooth as possible, the author may take your comment more seriously. If you have time, a third pass read aloud can help you catch smaller sentence structure items, accidental rhymes, repeated words, and over-long sentences. Phrasing You may be thinking that editing isn’t the hard part, it’s how to phrase your critique to the writer. No one likes being told their writing wasn’t perfect, and a writer new to critique may easily misunderstand good-intentioned feedback. Even a veteran, like me, can sometimes be having a bad day and feel more sensitive to critique. You never know how much emotional effort a writer has put into their work, how personal a fictional story might be, or what their life is like right now. Therefore, ALWAYS critique the words on the page and NEVER critique the writer. To be sure you’re following this rule, never write the word “you” in your feedback. For example, let’s say there’s blatant sexism on the page. It’s too soon to tell if it’s the character’s voice, or the writer’s actual opinion. Hey, maybe this character’s arc is about becoming less sexist (hello Sokka from season 1 episode 4 of Avatar: The Last Airbender). But maybe you aren’t seeing that on the page in the sample given. Rather than saying, “hey, you’re being sexist here,” you can phrase it like, “The character is saying pretty sexist things in this paragraph. This made me uncomfortable. There’s a risk the audience may not root for him.” That comment cites the problem on the page (“the character is being pretty sexist here”), expresses your emotion as a reader (“this made me uncomfortable”) and gives a concrete reason why this is a problem (“the audience may not root for him”). What to Critique Need ideas for what to search for? Anything that catches your eye is good to point out, even if all you can say is “this confused me” or “I think this is wrong, but I don’t know what’s right.” If you want to stretch your muscles and look for specific items to critique, here’s a list of things I try to note: Punctuation errors, especially around dialogue Spelling errors or inconsistencies (especially names) Misplaced modifiers Pronoun errors Confusing sentences Too long sentences (generally if more than seven concepts are introduced at once) Repeated words or repetitive phrasing Overuse of common words: was/were, to, had, the, know, just, back, started/began, some, etc. Characters (consistency, round vs flat, active vs passive, too many, too similar, etc.) Voice (consistency, amount of voice, matching voice to characters, etc.) Plot logistics (internal logic, plot holes, clarity of what the characters want) Pacing (too slow, too fast) Setting/world building (is it enough, too much, logical, etc.) Consistent POV (1st/3rd/2nd use consistent, head hopping, etc.) Vague terms (big/small, fast/slow, etc.) Too many adverbs (can be replaced by description) Dialogue (stiff vs natural, fitting to character, consistent use of contractions, proper punctuation, clear dialogue tags, too many non-said tags, etc.) Telling instead of showing The Most Important Part Some people get so bogged down in what’s wrong, they forget to tell the writer what’s right. If you love a line, highlight it and let them know. Write a comment of lol, haha, or a smile next to what you thought was funny. And at the end of the document, write what you enjoyed overall, like the general ideas, the characters, the banter, really cool worldbuilding, etc. And if you were excited to read on, mention that too. This information is supremely helpful because the writer might feel like they need to start from scratch if they get a ton of structural feedback. If they know what they did well, they know what to save. Plus, it helps soften the blow of the feedback that suggests work. Miscellaneous Advice If your feedback is all written, not verbal (like an online exchange), avoid sarcasm or too much joking in your feedback, as it can be hard to interpret on the page. Exceptions may be if you know the writer extremely well. It’s okay to admit you don’t know a fix. For example, you may notice a sentence is very long, but you may not be sure where to break it up. That’s okay! You can point out issues and admit you don’t have a solution. It’s okay to make big suggestions, but don’t get upset if the writer doesn’t take the idea. You never know, you may spark yet another idea for the writer and they’ll appreciate it. Avoid phrasing feedback like it’s something the writer must do. I like the phrase “consider doing x.” Always give advice to make the existing story better, never suggest trashing it or starting from scratch. If it’s not something you’d be willing to hear about your own writing, don’t say it. Remember that critique is about improving. Only make comments with improvement in mind, never be cruel or mock the writing. How did you adjust to joining a new critique group? What do you look for when you critique? Let's discuss in the comments! White room syndrome haunts all writers. It’s when you have a scene with dialogue, maybe some internal narration, but almost nothing going on between the characters and their environment. They could be anywhere—literally a white room. And it’s not just a problem in writing, it happens in improv too. The actors are so focused on their back and forth that the audience has no idea of the context. For example, a conversation about how in love two people are has one context if it’s at a New Year’s Eve party, but a much weirder and more interesting context if it’s at a funeral.
The biggest cause of white room syndrome is that the immediate setting is boring. So boring that even you, the writer, have forgotten about it. My best experiences curing this problem have been changing up the environment, or at least adding to it. Here are four ways to change the setting to help you cure white room syndrome. Place your characters somewhere that reveals info about at least one character. It could be a bedroom full of family photos and travel mementos. Their kitchen, full of one-use infomercial tools. Their office with a single personal photo. Wherever you choose, make it significant and demonstrative of one character’s personality. That way, you remember to describe it throughout the scene, because it adds depth. Place your characters somewhere that has a lot of things to interact with. It could be a car, with the radio, A/C, windows, etc. It could be a child’s playroom with toys all over the floor like landmines. It can be as simple as a clothing store. Give your characters a variety of options for actions to take while they listen to or speak with each other. Think of conversations you have in real life; you’re almost always doing something with your hands. Place your characters somewhere that demands they pay attention. A scented candle store—can’t escape the smells. A very hot sauna—can’t ignore the heat. A spicy hot wing tasting plate at a restaurant—can’t eat that without feeling every bite. The environment then interacts with your character, rather than the character initiating contact first. This forces you to trickle in setting details throughout. Place your characters somewhere symbolic. If the conversation is about betrayal, they could be in an art museum in front of a painting of Judas. If the conversation is about forbidden love, they could be in the wine aisle and one bottle could be from a vineyard called Verona. If they’re discussing madness, maybe they’re on a walk and see some windmills (even modern wind turbines would probably be enough of a Quixote nod). You can be sneaky or overt with this, even suggesting how their plot will end. If you go into a scene planning to include a symbolic item or location, then you won’t forget to include it. Those are my tricks for making a white room transform into an actual setting. What tricks do you use? Did you try mine and like them? Let’s discuss in the comments! With a title like that, I knew both cats needed to be in the picture. He was the pinkest of cats, he was the brownest of cats! Overview:
I purchased “It was the Best of Sentences, it was the Worst of Sentences” by June Casagrande a few months ago, but times are crazy and I’ve only just finished it. It’s a small paperback, 207 pages if you include the appendices, and focuses on sentence level editing. It’s $14 in the US, and often sites the Chicago Manual of Style vs the AP Style Book, so if those style books are out of your price range, this could be a handy shortcut. My Experience: Despite being all about grammar and sentence construction, it’s not a dry read. Casagrande never criticizes you for having made mistakes in the past, not does she set ironclad rules. Everything is laid out clearly, in simple language, and with explanations that made me say, “Oh, that’s why we do that?” The most mind-blowing chapter for me covered subordination. I’d never heard the term and it made so much sense! This book made me feel more power over how to construct a sentence. I highlighted a ton of it and am keeping this for years to come. If someone had told me to read this I might have laughed. I know how to write a sentence! Look at how many I’ve already written! But this was a look behind the grammar curtain about the why. How to make a sentence do exactly what you intend. I leveled up because of this book. Is It Worth It? It’s a short book, paperback, and reasonable price. It’s a great shortcut to the big style books, and is full of great information. Even if you think your skills are beyond a book about sentences, give it a chance. And have a highlighter ready. This book is absolutely worth it! Please consider buying from your local bookstore for this or any other book purchase this year. Indie bookstores are struggling, and need your support! Not sure which bookstore is near you? Try websites like Bookshop and IndieBound. Have you read this book? Did you love it too? Let’s discuss in the comments! The first daffodils of spring. They didn't wonder if they were ready to bloom, they just did it. Photo by Kate Ota 2019. One of the hardest parts of writing with the intention to publish is knowing when your work is ready to be sent out. Whether that’s to agents, publishers, or to readers as a self-published book is up to you. Anyone about to endeavor on that journey, no matter which path, always asks the same question: is this ready? Here are some ways you can determine the answer.
You Read It Through and Only Make Minor Changes Periods, commas, a semi-colon, deleting that semi-colon, minor spelling errors. These tiny changes are a sign you’re done editing. No book is perfect, and if you’re going the traditional publishing route, many more eyes will be on this, so don’t stress that comma. If you’re self-publishing, you can consider hiring a professional copy-editor to catch anything else you don’t in this stage. You’ve Fixed Problems Noted by Your Beta Readers Especially if they only offered minor suggestions, or you decided not to take their ideas of larger changes. Once you know other people have seen it and overall enjoyed it, you can be more confident sending it out. You Can’t Think of Anything Else to Change, but You Don’t Think It’s Good Enough If you and your beta readers don’t have more ideas for how to improve the book, may I suggest it’s because there’s nothing that needs improving? This state of mind is just you not feeling confident enough in your work. Take a deep breath, tell yourself it’s great, and move forward. If traditionally publishing, your future agent or editor may have suggestions you like and incorporate—but maybe they’ll like it just the way it is. You Want to Say it's Ready, but Feel Like You Need to Keep Editing for X Amount of Time or You’re Not a “Real Writer” This is called imposter syndrome. Everyone gets it at some point, and it’s the worst. There is no standard amount of time for you to take on edits as a writer. Yes, there are some general sentiments out there, like it should probably take you more than a few days, and anything over ten years raises questions. But honestly, any timeline is fine. Got a full-time job and only write for thirty minutes at night on a good day? Gonna take you a while. Furloughed from work with no kids but also financial stability and therefore have all the time in the world to write right now? You’ll probably move faster than you expect. Don’t feel like you have to toil and lament in order to be “real.” You wrote words, therefore you’re a real writer. Published or not. Take the time you need to edit, and if you’re done, you’re done. You Secretly Know You’re Done Editing, but You’re Scared of the Next Step There is no pressure to get published. Scared to share your work? Don’t. You don’t need to publish to be happy. If you finish your edits, you can walk away from the project. If you want to be published, you’ll have to swallow your fears and get some emotional-armor ready. Yes, publishing is full of rejections. From agents, from editors, from reviewers, from readers. It’s a lot of work no matter which path you take and thinking you could fail at something you’ve been dreaming of is scary. You’ll automatically fail by never trying. So, don’t sit in the editing stage, claiming to be fiddling with this or that in order to put off the inevitable. Go forward and query. Go forward and submit. Go forward and figure out self-publishing. Whatever it is you’ll do next, go do it. What other ways can you tell you’re ready to move on from the editing stages? Did these help you decide to take the next steps? Let’s discuss in the comments! The purpose of voice is to stand out, like this flower against the fence. Photo by Kate Ota in Siegen, Germany 2013 One of the things agents always talk about on twitter or their websites is voice. They want it! Please send it! And you may be left thinking what is voice? How do you develop that in your writing? I have an explanation and tips for how to develop it yourself.
What is Voice? Voice is, at its core, unique and specific word choice, punctuation, and sentence structure. These elements play together to create a narrative style that is unlike what’s been done before, or is at least interesting to read. For example, pick up a random textbook. The goal of that book is not to entertain, it’s to clearly convey information. Therefore, the word choice is going to be generic, the sentence structures are likely going to be similar, and anyone in the entire world could have written it. Which is the point. A kid is reading that textbook and you don’t want them distracted by the writer’s interesting turn of phrase. Now look at, for example, The Lightning Thief, the first Percy Jackson novel by Rick Riordan. It’s written from the point of view of a twelve-year-old boy. That book oozes Percy’s voice. Interesting word choices, variable sentence structures, unique similes. That writing style won’t be found just anywhere, and that’s the point. Voice can be the voice of a character, the voice through the book as a whole (if there's more than one point of view), or the voice of an author across their works. I believe developing your voice as an author starts with the voices of your characters, which together will be the voice through the book. Below, I focus on tips for how to develop the voice of a character. Develop Your Voice Tip #1: Monologue as Your Character The best way I’ve found to fall into my character’s voices is to talk aloud as if I was them. If you’re feeling shy about your at-home audience, you can do this in the shower or write it down as it flows out of you. Whatever you do, don’t over think it. This monologue is not going in your project. It’s an exercise to help you explore. Take what you know about the character’s personality and extrapolate. The words they use will match their mood and education level, the sentence length will match their energy level, the punctuation will match their breath. Imagine how they’d discuss what they love, what they hate, where they live, and the people around them. Do this exercise as long as you’d like until you get a sense for how this character speaks. Then try writing narration and dialogue from them. Does that voice sound unique? It doesn’t need to be other-worldly or wild, it just needs to sound like it’s coming from an interesting person. Model it after an interesting person’s speech pattern, if that helps you. If you think any random character in your book would sound like the voice you just played with, try again. Tip #2: Decide which rules to break Voice often manifests best when the speaker breaks a few classic writing rules. The basic rules will get you to textbook or essay level writing, but to be more than a bone-dry info-dump, you need to play a little. One of my favorite rules to break is to use fragments. Sparingly in narration and frequently in dialogue. That was a fragment, by the way. Did you notice it had a little more humanity in it than a full sentence? Sounded more natural, more conversational. Hence why I use them more in dialogue than narration. Some characters will use a little more purple-prose in their word choice than others. For example, a professional artist will probably have more flowery word choice than a lawyer, who might be more direct. Some characters may even use more adverbs, run on sentences, or make grammatical mistakes (that last one is for dialogue only and should really be used sparingly, unless you want your readers to think you are the one making the mistakes.) It’s important to know the rules before you play fast and loose with them, and be sure you’re doing so on purpose. Tip #3: Once You Have It, Write It Down After discovering how your character monologues and which rules they tend to break, write down their specific quirks. This will help you remain consistent through your project. I have character consistency sheets that can help point you in the general direction of helpful things to write down. This can be before you’ve written your project or after you’ve finished your first draft, whichever you find most useful. Compare voices you’ve developed for each of your narrators, or for the speaking voices of various characters. If they were all in a scene together and all speaking, could you differentiate their dialogue through their voices alone? Ideally, yes! Did any of these tips help you develop the voice of your narrator or other characters? Do you have a favorite method for finding the voice of a novel? Let’s discuss in the comments! Weather, like this fog, can foreshadow something ominous or hidden. Photo by Kate Ota 2019 Foreshadowing is much easier to add in the editing stages than in the first draft. The trick is deciding what to foreshadow, when to do it, and how. I’ve got some tips to help.
Two Major Categories of Foreshadowing: Plot Justification vs Artsy I’ve seen others call these direct and indirect foreshadowing, but I prefer my terms since it clarifies why they are being used. Plot justification foreshadowing is necessary for your plot to work. Maybe while finishing your first draft, you realize your character needs to be good at sword fighting for the ending to work. But you can’t have that skill randomly appear at the end or your readers will feel dissatisfied. Therefore, you need to plant that seed early with foreshadowing. It could be as obvious as having your character practice with a sword in an earlier scene, or as subtle as describing the fencing trophy in their living room. Checkov’s Gun is a classic plot justification foreshadowing rule. Prophecies also fall into this category, since they (often but not always) impact what the characters do in order to fulfill or avoid that outcome. The more plot relevance something has at the climax, the more justification it needs earlier to feel satisfying. What I call artsy foreshadowing is anything that hints at future events, but if removed, the plot still makes sense. To me, this is the harder of the two to include well. Events often foreshadowed this way are deaths, romantic entanglements, and plot twists to an extent. However, smaller events can be foreshadowed, too. I include artsy foreshadowing to deepen scenes or emphasize emotions or theme. It often gives a story the feeling of being cohesive and connected without being overt. Example of Plot Justification Foreshadowing: In How to Train Your Dragon, it is critical to the climax that Hiccup knows dragons aren’t fireproof on the inside. Therefore, in an earlier scene where he’s surrounded by tiny dragons, he watches as one suffers a burn inside it’s mouth from another dragon’s fire. Without this scene, the solution to the climax—firing into the giant dragon’s mouth—would feel convenient and maybe even impossible. Example of Artsy Foreshadowing: In the Great Gatsby, the narrator witnesses Gatsby reaching out to a green light across the bay. Later, the reader learns Daisy lives across the bay and Gatsby has been in love with her for ages. Without the green light scene, the reader still learns this. They still see he moved close to her in the hopes of meeting again. The plot still works. But the artistic moment emphasizes his desire and lets the reader know earlier that there’s something more to Gatsby than his parties. The green light is also a symbol, but I’ll cover adding symbolism another time since it’s a slightly different animal. How to Insert Plot Justification Foreshadowing Step 1: Identify what needs justification in the climax/conclusion This includes skills, weapons, complications, and potentially characters or settings. The climax needs to feel surprising, but inevitable based on the MC’s choices. Foreshadowing allows that feeling of inevitability. Step 2: Find two places to mention anything major, and one place to establish anything minor For example, in Hunger Games, Collins showed us Katniss’s archery skill level in her hometown while hunting and while doing a demo for the Games judges. Then it became necessary in the Games. This gives you a three-beat pattern, which you can spread between the three acts, if you use that structure. Anything minor, especially justifying a later surprise, should have one mention so as not to attract too much attention. Step 3: Write it in place How to Insert Artsy Foreshadowing Step 1: Identify what you’d like to foreshadow Can be events, character traits, or themes. Step 2: Identify how you will foreshadow artistically The content of dreams, passing remarks, jokes, how objects and people are described, names, weather, and more can be used. This tends to be subtle. For example, foreshadowing death through someone’s dinner being burned. The death of a meal! Or by mentioning birds circling overhead like vultures. Symbols can often foreshadow, as mentioned before, so these choices can get very indirect. If you want your reader to know it’s foreshadowing, make it more obvious. If you want your reader to realize it was foreshadowing later, go for a more subtle choice. For example, the classic scene in Star Wars V where Luke dreams he kills Vader, but under the mask is Luke. It foreshadows their connection, but if that scene wasn’t present, you’d still learn Vader was his father later. However, this scene is fairly direct for artsy foreshadowing. A more subtle example is Darth Vader’s name, since Vader in Dutch means father. (Not subtle if you speak Dutch or even German, where father is Vater, but it’s a long time between name reveal and parentage reveal, some viewers may have assumed it was a coincidence.) Step 3: Find where to add artsy foreshadowing Limit this to slower, character building scenes. Otherwise, it gets lost in action. (Except when it must be repeated, like a name.) Look for opportunities in Act 1 or early Act 2 to foreshadow the climax or ending, and look for opportunities in the first half of a scene or chapter to foreshadow something at the end of that scene or chapter. More than one thing can foreshadow the same outcome, so feel free to be creative and not repeat yourself. For major events, I always recommend the three-beat: two foreshadows and then the outcome. Example: 1. Vader’s name, 2. Luke’s face in the mask, 3. Vader is Luke’s Dad. For smaller events, especially if foreshadowing within a scene or chapter, one mention will be enough. Too many artsy foreshadows could result in the reader being confused as to why all these details are important or they figure out a major plot twist early. Step 4: Write it in place Did these tips help you add foreshadowing to your project? Got any tips of your own? Let’s discuss in the comments! From my point of view, this is one of the most beautiful places on earth. Victoria Falls, Zambia. Photo by Kate Ota 2011. In this entry in my Easier Editing series, I’m focusing on how to edit for point of view (POV). There are several different ways to look at POV, from the big question of who is telling the story to the details of maintaining consistent POV in a scene. All aspects need to be checked to make sure your work is in top shape.
General Point of View You’ll want to make sure you have chosen either first person, third person, or in rare cases second person POV for your project overall. First person uses I/me/we for the main character to refer to themselves, as they tell the story. Third person uses he/she/they as the author tells the characters’ story, and second uses you, as the author address the reader directly. Some writers have third person perspectives from multiple characters (separated by chapter), like Game of Thrones by George RR Martin, and sometimes they switch between third and first when switching characters (at chapter breaks), like The Alice Network by Kate Quinn. When editing, watch for scenes that don’t match your POV plan. Never allow a character written in first person in one scene, but third person in a later one (or vice versa.) Flavors of Point of View While first and second person tend to come in one flavor, third has two major styles. Third can be omniscient, in which the inner thoughts of any character can be accessed by the narrator. This is an older style, and not popular at the moment. Limited third is when one character at a time is followed closely, with no access to other character’s internal experiences. This is almost every third person book in the last decade, at least. When editing a third person project, ensure you’ve decided on which flavor you’re using, and stick to it. The sections below will help with fixing problems you find if your third limited feels too omniscient. Depth of Point of View This is difficult to keep consistent, and may be a slower stage in editing. Point of view can be shallow or deep. Deep meaning entrenched in the character’s mind, and shallow being more removed. Deep points of view include a lot of the five senses, visceral feelings, emotions, reactions, thoughts, and opinions. Every word chosen in a scene will reflect the character’s word choice preferences. Deep point of view will hopefully allow the reader to forget an author exists, and the reader will be living in the world of the story through the character. First person is deep by nature, since it’s clear from the start the reader is within the character’s mind. Third limited tends to be deep, and omniscient is shallow. If you write deep POV, part of your editing should be to ensure you’ve remained deep consistently. Ensure every scene has the POV character’s internal experiences as well as the external. Have a checklist nearby of internal experiences to check off in each scene. Whose Story is it Anyway? When selecting the character/s who will tell the story in first person or who will be followed closely in third person, make sure you are selecting the character who experiences the most drama in the scene/chapter/book. Rotating between characters forces the writer to make this decision with every scene or chapter change, which can be difficult to decide or challenging to juggle the characters. Using only one character’s perspective means making that choice once, but also prevents other characters from offering a more exciting perspective in a scene. When editing a multi-view-point project, ensure you’ve selected the most interesting character to follow in each scene. Don’t be afraid to experiment and pick a different character to write the scene from. For a single-view-point project, ensure you’ve selected the correct protagonist, and be vigilant when looking for instances of head hopping. Head Hopping Difficult to catch, point of view errors can occur at a line level, typically in limited third or first person perspectives. This happens when the internal experiences of a non-point-of-view-character are suddenly on the page. It’s also known as head hopping. This error can be overt, like inserting another character’s thoughts, or accidental, like writing the scene as if watching a movie, instead of from within a character’s head. Consider the following example: I bit my apple then offered it to Tommy. “No thanks.” He wasn’t hungry yet. Often justified as being information your POV character could infer, this type if information is something the POV character can’t know for sure. Therefore, it’s technically hopping into the other character’s (Tommy’s) head. Take a look at the fix: I bit my apple then offered it to Tommy. “No thanks.” Maybe he wasn’t hungry yet, since he’d eaten three oranges half an hour ago. We still aren’t sure why Tommy says no, and he’s not saying why. But by going beyond a statement, and into a clear opinion, the POV character justifies their guess, giving the reader more information about the characters/scene. POV mistakes can also be harder to spot. Consider the following example: The teacher called my name, and my face reddened. Seems innocent enough. But, when sitting in a classroom like this character, can you see your own face redden? No. Other characters can see it though, thus this is a subtle POV error. Take a look at the fix: The teacher called my name, and my face burned. The burning sensation is internal to the POV character; thus, this sentence remained in their POV. The reader will instantly know the character means they’re blushing. Instead of telling, you’ve shown us—from the character’s perspective. Double win! What aspects of point of view do you watch for during your edits? Did this list help you on your editing journey? Let’s discuss in the comments! My cat, Clue, displaying his usual emotion: hungry. Photo by Kate Ota 2020 Overview
The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Character Expression by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi is a resource book which lists entries for one hundred thirty emotions (in the second edition.) You choose an emotion, go to the entry, and read the definition and lists of physical signs and behaviors, internal sensations, mental responses, acute or long-term responses, signs the emotion is being suppressed, which emotions it can escalate or deescalate to, and associated power verbs. There is an introduction section explaining how to use it and some character development items to keep in mind. It’s part of a larger series of thesauruses by these authors, which includes the emotional wound thesaurus, the positive trait thesaurus, and more. My Experience I heard about this book from several sources, and debated buying it, since an emotion thesaurus sounded like a thesaurus with fewer words. I bought a physical copy from my local indie for $17.99 (plus tax and shipping because of COVID.) I was pleasantly surprised that it’s more of an encyclopedia than a traditional thesaurus. I’ve been using it mainly for its intended purpose: to better show, rather than tell, characters' emotions. Especially for characters who do not have a point of view. The list of physical signs and behaviors is my favorite and I’ve used something from it every time I’ve opened the book. I also used it to deepen my point of view characters by thinking about which emotions they have chronically through the plot. That’s when I love the long-term response section. I’ll definitely keep using this as I edit and for the next books I write. Is it Worth It? Yes! I was skeptical at first, but I highly recommend this for anyone who struggles to have their characters emote. If you’re in the planning stages, it’s also great for character development. It’s $17.98 on Bookshop (the multi-indie-bookstore website, check it out.) There’s a digital version too, though perhaps it's harder to navigate since it's not a traditional cover-to-cover read. I’m probably going to check out the other books in their series because I’ve loved this so much. Have you used The Emotion Thesaurus, or the other books in Ackerman and Puglisi’s series? Did you find it worth it? Have you found other similar books? Let’s discuss in the comments! |
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